Now You Know
by Runs with Werewolfs
Summary: au"I'd make them regret what they did, I'd make them wish they had never been mean to me. And when they wanted to apologize, well, I'd be too dead to hear their pleas for forgiveness." It's up to Kendall to save Logan's life Kogan, Jarlos. for Kattarina


**Now You Know**

_In these eyes  
More than words  
More than anything that I spoken  
As the skies turned to gray  
My hopes is just about to crack open  
So the story goes  
There's something you should know  
Before I walk away  
and I blow the ending_

_Hilary Duff, Now You Know __

* * *

  
_

**~Logan~**

I leaned against my locker, wishing I could just disappear, watching as Kendall Knight and Jo Taylor made out passionately, not five feet away from me. To most people, it would seem like I was perving on Jo, wishing that that could be me who was exploring every crevice her mouth had to offer. Not so. I wanted to be Jo. Be pressed against a locker as Kendall explored _my _mouth.

I shook my head and opened my locker up, digging around in it for my notebook. I so wished I could be popular for one second, and not just nerdy Logan Mitchell, the kid with zero friends except for Kendall Knight's weird sister Katie sometimes. And even then, Katie had more friends to hang out with than just me.

I glanced down at the scars on my wrist. Katie had saved me from major trouble last year, when I had just been her math tutor, and she had noticed the cuts on my arms and asked where I got them. She wasn't stupid, despite being in 8th grade, and she had told me on no uncertain terms that I had to knock it off or she'd send me to rehab faster than I could say "Where's my razor?" Katie had truly saved me then, and I did feel like sometimes, she only hung around so I didn't cut again.

I sighed. We had an assembly in 20 minutes, which meant I had enough time to go turn in my math homework early, so he could grade it, and then get to the auditorium before everyone else did so I didn't have to deal with the Hockey Team and their weird behavior and incessant bullying. The only two I didn't have issues with were James and Carlos, Kendall's best friends, who knew all too well what bullying had felt like. They had come out in 9th grade and had been together since 8th grade. We were in January of our Senior Year and they were as strong as ever. I had never seen them not in contact with each other, except on the ice, where they were pretty likely to defend each other. Kendall didn't bully me either, but he never stopped his bitch girlfriend and her best friend, that crazy Camille girl, from hurting me.

I stepped away from locker, not hearing something fall to the ground, never noticing Jett and Wally, the two biggest jerks in the school and my constant tormenters since, like, 1st grade, bending down in front of my locker and picking something up. I didn't know they were reading it. Not until it was too late. By the time I knew, my life was already crumbling to pieces.

I walked quickly to the math department, and stepped into the Calculus classroom. The teacher wasn't there, but he never was, so I left my homework on his desk, like I did every day and stepped back into the hall. Camille Rodgers, Jo's crazy best friend, was standing at her locker, and she shot me a disgusted look as I passed her, a look she usually reserved for the scum beneath her shoes. Oh wait, I **_was_**the scum beneath her shoes. So yeah, that was a look she gave me at least twice a day. But this time, it was more intense, a deep loathing, and slightly scared me. I sped up, because unlike Jo, who occasionally had a sense of propriety and was actually kind of not violent at all, Camille had been known to just up and slap me across the face. Jo had never gone as far to touch me yet, her cheerleader manicure probably couldn't be bothered with touching me. The bottom line was, in my own stupidity, Jo didn't scare me. But Camille did.

I walked into the auditorium, and sat down in a chair, feeling awkward. A few minutes later, Katie and a couple of her friends walked in, and I heard her excuse herself and say she wanted to sit with me. She slid into the seat next to me and smiled. "Hard day?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your face. You look like you had a run in with the entire hockey team, including Kendall and the lovers." She told me.

"I'm fine, Camille just scared me"

"Oh."

We sat in silence while people flooded in. When almost every seat was filled, Wally, who went by Wayne-Wayne a lot more often than he went by Wally, hopped up onto the stage, followed by his best friend and fellow asshole-extraordinaire, Jett Stetson, and Wally picked up the microphone off the stand, flipping it on. I groaned as Jo and Camille delicately took the steps up to the front of the stage with the two jerks.

Wally handed Jo the microphone, and then Jett handed Jo a small black notebook, and I cringed. Jo held in her perfectly manicured hands, my journal. Katie looked at me with a look of horror, how many times had I let her read something out of it? How many times had she chucked it at me across my living room when I became too much of a know it all for my own good? How many times had she seen me writing in it, confessing how much I loved her brother?

"Oh. My. God" She whispered.

Jo grinned evilly at me from across the room and then tapped on the mic. "Excuse me, please" she said, her voice chipper, but to me, it was more mocking than happy. "I have an announcement to make!"

I groaned. "She's going to do this. Humiliating me is one thing, but doesn't she get that Kendall's going to be humiliated too. She can't do this. God, Katie, go get James or Carlos, they'll stop this."

Katie stood up and walked briskly across the auditorium, towards where James and Carlos were sitting, with twin confused looks on their faces. I buried my face in my hands. She knelt down next to James, motioning for them to listen. Carlos leaned in, and she began speaking rapidly, trying to explain before Jo spoke again.

Jo cleared her throat again. "EVERYONE!"

The auditorium went dead silent, mocking me. James was nodding and Carlos looked serious for once in his life, both of them understanding what was about to happen to me. But it was too late. Jo had my journal open and began reading a page out loud. I clapped my hands over my ears and willed myself to think happy thoughts as she read- to the whole school of over 4,000 kids, and close to 200 staff members, exactly what I thought of Kendall.

She finished reading and looked around. "Now, it may seem like, maybe, I wrote that, since I am his girlfriend. But a girl didn't even write that. Why don't we give Logan Mitchell a round of applause for his lovely analysis of my boyfriend's shoulder's?"

Laughter broke out across the auditorium, and several kids began whispering rather rude remarks about me. I stood up, and fled, not even listening as Katie shouted for me to stop, followed by Carlos's shout of "Shut up!" and James's declaration that every single person at the school was an ass. I glanced around the room and locked eyes with Kendall. To my surprise, he offered me a slight smile, and mouthed "Thanks". And that did it for my guts, I bolted.

I fled to the math classroom; my one place of refuge that none of the popularity obsessed zombies would come. Almost no one had Calculus, besides me and, somehow, the man of the hour, Kendall Knight and a couple of other seniors and one exceptionally bright freshman named Amy. Kendall Knight wasn't stupid, and had passed all his classes enough to end up in Calc.

I sank down to the floor, burying my face in my knees. Why did the world hate me so?

**~Kendall~**

I sat and watched as Logan Mitchell bolted from the auditorium. I contemplating going after him, he was so small and his face when we had locked eyes was so broken, hurt, that almost every part of me hated my friends for what they had done to the boy who had saved my sisters math grade last year, and had always seemed so sweet to everyone, despite the fact that just because he was brilliant and not athletic, everyone hated him.

I had always felt bad for the small brunette boy who was in my math classes. I always had to work hard to pass math, but I always did okay. I had to get good grades and be athletic; my family couldn't afford to send me to college any other way than me getting good grades and an atheletic scholarship. I was going to USC in the fall, and I had almost a free ride. I'd had to work hard, but school was something that just came naturally to Logan, or so it seemed. But It felt like, maybe he'd better without being bullied constantly. That's why I never said anything. That, and I lived through the tear filled nights when James and Carlos had come out, a year or so that had kind of deterred me from telling anyone but the guys and my mom that I was bi.

I stood up from my seat, to go after Logan, comfort him, tell him I thought he was cute. Anything to console him, I really didn't like seeing people upset. But Jo, followed by Camille and the goons, had hopped off the stage, and she pulled me into a kiss, arms snaking around my neck, holding me there.

I pushed her away. "Jo, what the heck was that?"

"I was saving you from that freak, Logan. Gosh, who writes that kind of thing" she scoffed. I was horrified. When had the girl I thought I loved become this-this-bitch? I really couldn't date anyone like that. I mean, poking at Logan was one thing, but to straight up call him a freak for having a crush? This wasn't the same Jo I thought I knew.

"Jo, I can't believe you would do that. Cut the poor guy some slack, he doesn't deserve this" I chided. "He's a good guy"

Jo scoffed. "A creeper is more like it" she said with a roll of her eyes.

"You know what? Jo, we're done. I'm not going to stand here and let you ruin peoples lives and get away with it. I don't like bullies, Jo, it's over. And give me that" I ripped the black notebook from her hands, planning on returning it to Logan in math.

But Logan never showed up for math. Mr. Michaels waited 20 minutes for Logan to show up, but he never did. I didn't see him for the remainder of that day or the next day. And, I would be the first to admit- I didn't like not knowing where he was, that he was okay. It worried me. More than it maybe should.

**~Logan~**

My mom finally forced me to come back to school two days after the great Jo incident. I was glad it was raning, it gave me an excuse to have my hood up. Never the less, comments were made. I wished people realized how bad words hurt.

I hung close to the teachers all day, knowing I was safe by an adult. However, at lunch, only the lunch ladies were around and Jett and Wayne-Wayne decided to have a little fun. When I turned away from the lunch counter, Jett slammed my tray to the ground, sending my lunch flying. Wayne-Wayne grabbed me by the back of my jacket, lifting me off the ground, and laughing as I squeaked out of terror. "Well, look, Jett. It's the creepy stalker, in his natural habitat."

"Put me down, I didn't do anything to you!" I protested as the wannabe gangster pushed me against a wall, his hand constricting my throat. I choked slightly, seeing stars, and I couldn't breathe. I would bet my life that my face was turning blue as I fought against him. "Please!" I choked out.

Jett stood at Wayne-Wayne's shoulder. "I don't think he'll ever find love" he smirked.

The next thing I knew, Jett went sliding across the floor as Carlos barreled into him, punches flying. James calmly put himself between me and Wayne-Wayne, knocking the bully away from me. I slid to the floor, but then scrambled up. James tried to grab my hand, but missed. "Logan, where are you going?" he asked.

"Like any of you care. I'm ending this! Right now" I shouted, racing for the door. Carlos grabbed me around the waist, stopping me.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asked, angry. "You can't let these homophobes get to you, Logan. You're setting back the gay rights movement 10 years! And they just repealed Don't Ask Don't Tell, and you will not take away my right to serve my country openly!"

I gave Carlos a weird look and pushed him off of me. "Guess what, Carlos. I'm not popular like you, everyone hates me. It's not just this bullying, it's all of it! I'm done, and it's over." I said, bolting out the door. I'd make them regret what they'd did, I'd make them wish they had never been mean to me. And when they wanted to apologize, well, I'd be too dead to hear their pleas for forgiveness.

I ran up to the roof, stumbling along the way, cutting my hand on some glass. Not many people knew about the secret access to the roof, but I was in the garden club, and during the spring, we kept our plants up here since we had no room. I felt pain in my knee too, and assumed I had cut myself more than just on my hand. It felt good, why I had done this before, but not good enough to end my resolve to end things.

I stumbled towards the edge of the roof, grabbing the sides, and looking down. I began to panic, and stopped to take a few short breaths, collect myself, get my act together. I had to do this, it was the only way out.

**~Kendall~**

For the second time that week, Logan Mitchell was bolting out of rooms. I groaned, wondering what had gone on this time and sped up into the cafeteria, where everything was deathly silent, as 3,000 grave faces stared at me.

"What's going on?" I asked, blinking.

James gave me a look. "Logan's gone off the deep end" he said grimly, holding Wayne-Wayne's bling, so he couldn't run away. Carlos had Jett in a headlock, and looked just as grim. "These two goons decided to beat up on him"

"And why was he running?"

"He's going to kill himself, Kendall. He's done" Carlos said, dead serious. "He couldn't take it anymore"

I don't know if I've ever heard any words like those that chilled me to the bone quite like Carlos's words did. I quickly turned on my heels and took off in the same direction as Logan had, shouting for Katie, who had been standing in the lunch line, to call 911. I caught sight of him, disappearing into a doorway, and followed him, not making any noise, not until we were alone and I could calm him down.

He led me up to the roof of the school, stumbling and falling in his frenzy to end things. I was a little more careful, even though this was a make it or break it moment for me and for Logan. I watched as he stepped to the edge, and saw his shoulders heave, as he attempted to calm himself. After a minute, he put his leg up onto the edge, and I snapped back into action.

I barreled across the roof, and latched my arms around Logan's waist, just as he began to teeter forward, pulling him back off the ledge, landing on my back on the roof, with him tucked safely into my arms, fighting me, but I tightened my grasp. I flipped us so I was ontop of him.

He was looking up at me with big brown eyes and I felt my heart pang as I saw them begin to well up with tears. "No, No, please don't cry." I said, brushing my hand across his face as the sobs freely started. I lifted myself off of him, and pulled him into my arms, sitting with my back to the ledge and him sobbing into my shoulder. "It's okay." I whispered, putting my head on his shoulder, and rubbing circles on his back. My phone began vibrating in my pocket, so I slid it out. It was a text from Camille, freaking out.

**K, please tell me he's okay! I'd feel awful if he died because of what we did! It was Jo's idea, It was stupid!**

I watched as several more messages filled up the screen, all from a horror struck Camille: **I shouldn't have gone along with it, Kendall! I'm sorry. Please tell me he's okay! Please tell me you got there in time**

**I feel awful, please tell me he's fine**

**KENDALL! TELL ME RIGHT NOW**

**he's dead, isn't he. That's why you won't respond**

**Where are you, the paramedics are here, they want to know**

I sighed and clicked reply **on the roof. Logan's pretty much fine, just shaken up and broken. **

I felt something warm on my arms and sighed. Logan was bleeding, profusely, from his hands, leg, and a gash ripped in his shirt. I hit reply again **Bleeding really bad, has a gash on his side.**

A few minutes later, someone was up, attempting to lift Logan from my arms. I shook my head stubbornly; carrying Logan through the school to the waiting ambulance, just as his mom arrived, freaking out. I only knew it was his mom because she had come to pick him up from one his tutoring sessions with Katie once, and plus, she'd been a chaperone on field trips when we were little. Plus, she looked exactly like him only more girly and shorter.

She ran up to me, tears falling down her face, but smiling when she saw him breathing. "What happened?" she asked as a paramedic came over with a gurney and told me to put him on it. "Why, is he hurt?"

"He's bleeding ma'am, and he's clearly quite shaken up and not in his right mind right now" the man said gently, as I put Logan down. "Besides, he's bleeding, and needs to be taken to see a doctor for those gashes, we don't know if any of them could get infected, some of them look deep" he pointed at one on Logan's leg. And then surveyed me. I was probably covered in blood and dirt. He shook his head and muttered something about kids under his breath. "It's a good idea when something like this happens is that he needs to stay at the hospital for a couple days, make sure he's stable and not a danger to himself. Have tests run to know why, all that"

I spoke up. "I know why he did it. He wanted out." I informed them. "He's been bullied, relentlessly, for as long as I've known him. My ex girlfriend and her friends- they stole his journal and read it infront of the school. He's gay. They were bullying him even more. He just wanted out."

The man nodded. "I see. I'd still suggest a few hours, maybe overnight, just to make sure he's not going to get an infection. He could be suffering from some kind of stress too, and needs to be looked over."

A few hours later, I was in one of James's shirts (the dude kept clothes at school in case of emergency) and was sitting by Logan's bed. They'd knocked him out with a sedative, because when he'd got to the hospital, he'd been in the midst of an insane panic attack and had freaked out and punched someone who happened to look a lot like Jett in the face. His mom was passed out in the corner, and I didn't blame her. If my son had just tried to kill himself, I too, would have been exhausted.

As for myself, I wasn't going to leave Logan's side ever again. I was pretty sure I was in love with the man. It didn't feel like it had with Jo. It felt different, more real. I had been terrified when I had thought I was going to loose him without him even knowning I loved him.

I watches as he stirred in his sleep slightly and then opened his eyes. "Kendall, why are you here?" he asked, groggy.

I took his hand. "Shhh, go back to sleep, you need it"

**~Logan~**

"Kendall, I don't want to go in there!" I protested at my boyfriend, digging my heels into the ground. Unfortunalty, it was laminate floor and Kendall was stronger than me, so he simply lifted me up and carried me into the auditorium over his shoulder, telling me everything would be fine.

I was sure we made quite a sight, since everyone we passed stared at us with wide eyes. Kendall put me down in a seat next to James, who gave a goofy look as Carlos snoozed on his shoulder and Kendall took my hand. I could feel every eye on me, and it wasn't fun.

This was only my second day back at school following my suicide attempt, about 2 weeks later. My mom had kept me out, saying I need to recover. Kendall's mom had agreed to let him stay home several of those days, especially since he refused to leave my side now, glaring at anyone who even looked at me wrong.

I put my head on his shoulder, exhausted. I hadn't slept well for a couple days because I had grown used to falling asleep in his arms, but he had been forced to spent the weekened with his dad, the last time before he turned 18. Katie had punched him when she realized she'd soon have to start spending one weekend a month with her dead beat dad alone. Kendall had protested, but I had laughed.

The last two weeks, I'd become pretty close to James and Carlos too. The morning I was in the hospital, they came to visit me and said that they'd help me get threw the rough spots, since they understood. Carlos had become the most amazing comic relief ever, and James had become somewhat of a big brother to me, giving me all sorts of advice from fashion to how to be cooler, to sports, to getting through homophobia.

Kendall had spent nearly every moment he was awake with me, and had built my self confidence up quite a bit. He was good at that.

I heard someone say something about how weird it was we were dating and prayed Kendall didn't hear it. No such luck, because I found myself towed to my feet, and Kendall glared at the girl. "It's not weird, Lilly. It's love. Logan means everything to me, and if you all can't deal with that, well, deal with this!" he shouted, pulling me to his lips and initiating a make out session between us, exploring my mouth, exactly how I'd wished he would two weeks ago.

Kendall went on, showing off or something, for a good five minutes, occasionally breaking for air. Finally, the principal stopped him. "Thank you, Mr. Knight, Mr. Mitchell, please take your seats" he said dryly. Once we were seated, Kendall's arm protectively around me, he began again. "You're all here today, because after certain events, I think I need to reiterate the schools No-Tolerance for Bullying Policy. Any and all students who were on the giving end of the recent incident, have been suspended for 2 months."

I leaned over. "I saw Camille at lunch, why is she here?"

"She was just there and she was the only one who agreed to give you an apology. Jo threw a huge hissy fit and stormed out, Jett said there was no way, and Wayne-Wayne started speaking Spanish, like he didn't understand what they were saying" James explained.

I had to laugh at that. "They're so dumb" I snorted.

Kendall grinned. "I know. Camille feels really bad though, she never realized she was hurting you so bad, and I think she'd like to try to be your friend, Logie. I know you probably don't trust her, but she's actually really sweet and she's worried about you." He said.

Carlos nodded. "She cried when she came into lunch and we told her what was going on, she feels awful, Logan. She just wanted to fit in. She was bullied too, remember. And then Jo moved her and she became popular."

I nodded, I could remember that. "Well, I suppose I could give it a try." I sighed. "I just wish I had my journal back"

"Oh!" Kendall reached for his backpack and pulled out the small notebook. "Sorry, I took it from Jo and forgot I had it." He said.

I looked at it. "It's all about you, you keep it" I said, handing to him and then scooting up for a kiss. When no one gasped, I grinned. Maybe things were going to end up being a lot better now.

Kendall wrapped his around me. "I love you, so much Logan. It's crazy, these last two weeks, you've become like oxygen to me. I need you. Will you be here forever"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him again and pulled him away. "Well, now you know"

"Know what?"

"We're made for each other"

* * *

A/N: Ugh, that end was cheesy. This is for Kattarina, aka Unthinkable13. Merry Christmas Katt!. I'll write a betters A/N later today, I'm going to go crash now for a few hours. Happy Christmas eve to you all!

and please, Dalton, don't kill me. I'm too tired to deal with you...


End file.
